Mysteries of the Pineapple

Is Blogger relevant anymore?

2009-05-18T00:10:00.007+02:00

OK. I admit at the beginning that I am one who hasn't done any "blogging" in a long time. But, I seem to be in the majority in that. Blogging takes time, and sentences, and paragraphs. I can "twitter" or facebook something in one sentence and be done. It's like the difference between a manual typewriter with carbon paper and a computer wordprocessing program. Is it really worth it to go back and do all that work? We don't have enough time in the day as it is. How can we find more time to compose intelligent thought and put it in print?

Quite frankly, I am a USA TODAY type of person. Give it to me in the headline and first paragraph. That's all I really want to know about most of what you are writing. But are we really satisfied with a headline/summary world? Have we actually gone beyond Cliff notes to expect everything to be reduced to a 40 word statement (or whatever the limit is)?

Think of the social repercussions of this way of thinking - admittedly my way of thinking. Is it any surprise that in the political realm, whether we are on the left or the right, that everything is reduced to slogans and/or soundbites? Many are content to allow a party or party leadership to determine what they should themselves believe. When was the last time a major issue in Congress did not follow strick party lines? Do we really believe that each congressman is considering what is best for the people they represent and not simply following their party leadership?

Perhaps a worse reflection of this is in the religious realm where so many people are willing to give up their right/ability to think for themselves and accept: 1. The religion of their parents; 2. The religion of a charismatic leader; or 3. The religion that is socially expedient either in their location or their career field.

But aren't we missing out on the whole picture? We give our opinions up for a few writers/broadcasters who can say things in a way that pleases us and reinforces our preconceived opinions. To prove that statement, when was the last time you actually listened to someone you truly disagreed with? We have an opinion and we tend to listen to only those who have that same opinion. How do we really move forward and learn with that viewpoint? It's like there is no real progress, we just find a way to defend the past viewpoints. What would it take for YOU to truly change your belief? The terrorists believe that you will only think differently if violence is involved. Is that true? Do YOU only believe that all the correct thinking came in the past and you have to believe what you have been taught?

So, back to the beginning, is there really a reason to think and take the time to write about it? Does anyone really care about something besides humorous stories or evocative pictures? Are we really the entertainment oriented culture that Huxley wrote about? So, ignoring the sentence ending in a preposition, can a redneck from Alabama ask intelligent questions?

Boy Soldier in a desert Somewhere

2009-03-06T09:15:00.002+01:00

We All Know Someone Who Needs This

2009-03-02T15:34:00.003+01:00

My New Project

2009-02-25T22:46:00.003+01:00

I was inspired by a picture on my last post and made my own knife block.

It's still a work in progress with my wife contributing ideas . . . once she got over the shock of thinking our daughter had done this.

No Comment Required

2009-02-20T14:21:00.002+01:00

Women Drivers

2009-02-17T16:44:00.003+01:00

My sister-in-law sent me this. I laughed out loud, alot. I'm not sure if she is in it.

New Safety Device for Airplanes

2009-02-15T22:21:00.003+01:00

With airplanes having to land in rivers, crashing into houses, or landing on interstates, something new needs to be done for the safety of those of us on the ground.

My solution ... put a big assed horn on airplanes. It may not prevent a crash but, at least, those on the ground will have some warning of what is happening. Unfortunately, I am not the first to think of this.

Olio of Recent Travels

2009-02-14T12:48:00.005+01:00

A snowy day at a castle ruin in Homburg.

Amorbach. First, the Templar House. The second oldest half-timbered house in Germany -- built in 1291 (although the wall/foundation is older). That means this house was 200 years old when Columbus sailed. How's that for a sense of history? Second is the Rococo interior of a church in the village. Wow did the exterior not give much clue to the beautiful interior.

In Miltenberg, we ate at the oldest inn/pub in Germany that still functions as such. The Haus zum Riesen (House of Giants) has been serving guests since 1190. Then a view overlooking the village from the castle ruin. Did I mention that it was freaking cold and windy up there?

Finally from Miltenberg, one of the most unique signs directing people to the public toilets that I have ever seen.

Finally, for today, a auto dealership that caters to women:

Torture: Or Take One For The Team

2009-02-09T20:10:00.002+01:00

The whole Gutanamo bay and torture thing has got me in a bit of a philoshopical quantry. I understand the desire to be "above it all" and not use any torture as a means to an end. But, if my daughter is kidnapped and someone is in custody who admits that he was involved and knows where she is but will not tell ... it's a no-brainer to me. Do to him whatever it takes for him to tell where she is. And, if no one else is willing, I will do it myself.

But, I don't want to use the same logic as Nazis used torture as both entertainment and as punishment. But, the difference I see is that their ultimate goal was never the greater good. They were not using torture to save lives.

Isn't that what war is about? Using death and destruction in the short term to accomplish long-term goals for good? Frankly, I have no sympathy for those who stand in the background, away from the action, and criticize those who take actions to save lives -- even if those actions involve torture. Yes, it is "being judge and jury" but so are soldiers who use their weapons on the enemy. They cannot always assess whether or not the people are "truly guilty". They just fire at the enemy.

If you think you know what should be done in the place of "torture", volunteer to join the front line. They will be happy to have someone who knows all the answers when the enemy is trying to kill you.

Welcome to the German Toilet

2009-01-29T09:28:00.008+01:00

One of the first cultural differences one notes when visiting other countries is the differences in toilets. One of the first phrases one should learn is the equivalent of "Where is the toilet?" I have learned to just say "Toiletten Bitte" or "Wo ist die WC (vee cea)?"

If you are on the street or in some large public place (like a train station or Autohof on the Autobahn), you are likely to encounter a pay toilet. Better have some Euro coins available.

Even if it isn't a pay toilet, there is often a woman sitting inside the door expecting a tip. Supposedly we are paying to have her keep the toilet clean. All I have ever seen them doing is sitting down talking and pointing to the tip plate.

Now you are confronted with the choice of doors.

Am I to go in "Damen" or "Herren?" At first I figured that one is like "Da Men" and the other is for "Hers" ... NOPE. Damen is women; Herren is men. Some provide helpful graphics.

Then you are confronted with the difference in appliances. Although German toilets are not extremely different (like those in parts of Italy and Turkey). The German toilets are characterized by a "shelf." The ... uh ... solid matter lands on the shelf (with a splat rather than the familiar splash) so it can be examined (I'm not kidding) before flushing. This takes some getting used to.

Urinals are basically the same, although on base they supply a handy plant to pee on when the urinal is out of order.

Now that you have done your business, its time to flush. German flush tanks are located inside the wall behind the toilet bowl. They have large push buttons to activate the flush. Some have two: a large one for less water use (like after no. 1) and a smaller one for more water use (like after no. 2).

I have heard some military parents tell stories of taking their children back to the states and that the children do not know how to flush American toilets.

All done but the handwashing ... no, no, no. Every German toilet I have seen has a toilet brush and you are expected to use it. Rather than assume, as we seem to do in America, that our poop never stains the bowl, they know it does and expect you to take care of the problem. Apparently they have had such problems with Americans following through that they saw the need for special instructions.

From the FBI Director

2009-01-28T18:03:00.002+01:00

I recently received an email from the director of the FBI. I know it really is the director because the email came from fbicrimesunit1@aol.com.

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORING CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Date: 01/28/2009

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORING CRIMES DIVISION

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN REMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC DEPT. IT HAS COME TO OUR NOTICE THAT THE C.B.N BANK, NIGERIA DISTRICT, HAS RELEASED TO THE TUNE OF $480,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO THE BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY, COURTESY OF INHERITTANCE.

THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA, KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT (S.T.D.P) TO PAY THIS FUND THROUGH WIRE TRANSFER.

THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ON THE ALREADY TRANSFERRED FUNDS, WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECT TRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN FINALLY CREDIT IT INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

HOWEVER,SECRET DIPLOMATIC PAYMENTS ARE NOT MADE, UNLESS THE FUNDS ARE RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES. WHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET TRANSFER? IF YOUR TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE, IF YOU ARE NOT A TERRORIST, WHY DID YOU NOT RECEIVE THE MONEY DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT? THIS IS ACTUALLY AN ILLEGAL MODE OF PAYMENT?

RECORDS WHICH WE HAVE HAD WITH THIS METHOD OF PAYMENT IN THE PAST, HAS ALWAYS BEEN RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN THE U.S. SO IT IS OUR DUTY AS A WORLD WIDE COMMISSION TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM BEFORE THIS FUND WILL BE CREDITED INTO YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

WE ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY AS THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY, UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) WITHIN 3 DAYS FROM THE WORLD LOCAL BANK FROM WHERE THE FUNDS WERE TRANSFERED FROM, TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIA ARE ANTI -TERRORIST/DRUG FREE. OR ELSE WE SHALL HAVE COURSE TO CROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT.WE SHALL ONLY RELEASE THE FUNDS IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involved. we want to make sure that the money your about to receive is clean and legal. Be informed that the fund is now in the United States in your name, but right now, we have given an authourisation to The Bank of America not to release the funds untill we ask them to do so.This is because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the funds to you.

So to this regards, you are to re-assure and prove to us that what you are about to receive is clean money by sending to us, FBI Identification Record and also The Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) to satify that the money you are about to receive is legitimate. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it, let us know, so that you will be directed on how and where to obtain the document and send to us, so that in turn,we will re-authourize the Bank of America to credit your funds.

However,An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of Certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in Connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.

THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL
THE 5TH OF FEBRUARY 2009, AFTER WHICH WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING OF FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA.

GUARANTEE: FUNDS WILL BE RELEASED ON CONFIRMATION OF THESE DOCUMENTS.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FINAL INSTRUCTION:

1, CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE

2,BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS
CLEARED.

3,BENEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A, CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS
UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/IMF OR UNITED NATIONS.

4,BEARER MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of the Society, while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you for money laundering and take appriopriate actions against you for not prooving to this commission, the legitimacy of the funds you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order (556-73) establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review.

The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in the U.S.
An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country (i.e., Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history back ground).
You are adviced to comply urgently.

Faithfully Yours,

FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

Great Ad

2009-01-26T08:07:00.002+01:00

Hilarious ad I came across: The difference between men and women.

Purity Pledges Are Worse Than Ineffective

2009-01-24T09:13:00.009+01:00

A post by biscuit reminded me of a recently published research study. After 8 years of an administration that poured billions of dollars into lost causes or just plain greedy people lining their pockets, I guess we shouldn't be all that concerned about a couple of hundred million spent on "Abstinence Only" programs that often feature a Purity Pledge. The pledge, promoted in conservative Christian churches, involves committing oneself not to have sex until marriage. To seal the pledge, a symbol (usually a purity ring) such as this one called "My Gift Wrapped Heart" (available for only $38.95 ). What Christian parent wouldn't get one for their daughter to have as a symbol of the virginity they are preserving for the "one and only." Not only will they preserve their Christian status, they will not become unwed mothers or suffer from venereal disease.

Only one slight problem, they don't work. But being effective is not the only problem, the evidence shows that the programs actually put teens at risk. That is the result of a long-term study published in the January, 2009 edition of the journal Pediatrics. The study by Janet E. Rosenbaum of Johns Hopkins University compared students who were an average of 17 years old and took the pledge in 1996 to a similar group at that time who did not take the pledge. She then did a follow-up study in 2001. The results should shatter any belief that teenagers' promise to not have sex is sufficient to quelch hormones.

First of all, 82% of those who had taken the pledge in 1996 denied that they had taken it in 2001. So they overcame their cognitive dissonance through denial. There was exactly no difference in sexual behavior between pledgers and non-pledgers. It did not matter what type of sexual activity (giving or receiving oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal intercourse), the age at which they first had sex, or their number of sexual partners. So pledges are ineffective at limiting sexual activity.

But, most disturbingly, pledgers are significantly different from non-pledgers in one area. They are less likely to use protection when they do have sex. So the programs that only emphasize abstinence actually endanger teenagers rather than help them.

Maybe what should be emphasized is that the heart is not the only thing that should be wrapped.

Winter Day on Heiligenberg

2009-01-23T08:41:00.018+01:00

The city of Heidelberg is about an hour's drive down the Autobahn from us. One of our first visits in Germany was to the Castle and AlteStadt for the Christmas market in 2007.

Across the river from the Castle is a hill called Heiligenberg. Recently I had a chance to visit it. The name means, essentially, "holy hill" and has been such for at least 2400 years. The first evidence comes from Celtic times when it was a holy place surrounded by two "Ring Walls". For a visit and info on another ring see my post from last year. The one at Heiligenberg is not nearly as well preserved. But there is archaelogical evidence of a stone building at the very peak of the hill. They occupied the site for 400 years until the coming of the Romans.

When the Romans came through in the First Century, they took over the site and built a Roman Temple (possibly to Mercury). It is under this part of the St. Michael's Kloster, again at the very highest point on the hill.

Then after the Christianizing of the Roman Empire (4th Century), the pagan sites were razed. And by shortly after the year 1000, two monastaries (klosters) were built on the hill. If you look at the map above, the smaller Kloster is St. Stephans and is the structure at the bottom of the map.

But the first thing you see is a small stone building on the left.
This is the "Heidenloch" (Heathen Hole) and is a bit of a mystery. Some date it to the 900s but it could possibly be older since it refers to "Heathen" times. This looks like a well hole and is 5 meters across and 51 meters deep. Can you imagine what it took over a thousand years ago to dig a hole straight down for almost 150 feet?

Next are the ruins of the Stephen's Kloster. The ruins themselves are somewhat small and unassuming.

However, next to it is an observation tower that overlooks the city of Heidelberg.

The view of the city from the top of the tower is spectacular.

At the other end of the hill is the peak referred to above. Now the peak is covered by the ruins of St. Michael's Kloster.

Also if you refer to the map you see a large structure between the two kloster ruins, this is the Thingstätte build by the Third Reich to hope propaganda rallies.

I was a bit confused by the name but "thing" refers to a Nordic/Germanic gathering of people.
When the Nazis came to power these outdoor amphitheaters were built throughout Germany. For more detailed information see this site on the ruins of the Third Reich.

Today it is relatively abandoned and ignored by the modern German people. But it is still a grand structure that is a reminder of the power of propaganda.

Confessions of a Househusband

2008-12-19T16:38:00.002+01:00

I got a newsletter from one of my alma maters today. It talked about the accomplishments of various faculty members: delivering scholary papers, publications, etc. It made me think of my situation. I have 2 docorate degrees but my accomplishment in the last semester has been to get the kids to school, keep the apartment clean, and support my wife in her military career. I admit, I have enjoyed the free time, spent time with my girlfriend, and visited many interesting places. But, is that the best use of my time? I could write scholarly papers, do scholarly things for a university. But, you know what, fuck that. I've done it and it doesn't have nearly the satisfaction of what I am doing now. My focus is on my family and I am very happy and satisfied with that. Thanks to my wonderful, military wife for making this possible.

Merry Christmas from Germany

2008-12-18T22:34:00.006+01:00

The season began Dec. 6 with Saint_Nicholas Day when German children put their shoes outside the door. If they have been good children, then St. Nicholas leaves candy in their shoes.

Next are the two days of Christmas, Dec. 25-26. Gifts are exchanged in the night of Dec. 24 but it is a work day for Germans. Dec. 26, the "second day of Christmas" is the day for family get-togethers. Here are our Christmas trees (Weihnachtsbaumen) for this year:

No Comment Required

2008-12-17T11:33:00.001+01:00

Classified ad in the current European edition of Stars and Stripes -- our newspaper:

Looking for a strong single Man to protect petite woman in case of Zombie Uprising! Must be good with chainsaw, motorcycle and have Ninja skills. Ages 40ish-50. No weirdos please. Contact ...

Don't Piss Off the Prop Person

2008-12-15T14:41:00.003+01:00

Actor slits own throat when someone switched the fake prop knife for a real one. Of course, the audience broke out into applause at the realistic looking blood. Luckily, he missed his carotid artery and, not only lived through it, but: "After emergency treatment at a hospital, Hoevels declared that the show must go on, and returned to the stage on Sunday night with a bandage tied around his neck, ready to once again meet his mock demise." Commitment or just desperate for the job?

To Cheer Up All Those Over 30

2008-12-15T09:39:00.004+01:00

I am definitely Unterhopft after reading this:

Gammelfleischparty is German youth word of year

AP -Wed Dec 10, 12:22 pm ET

BERLIN – German is famous for its long words — and today's youth are just as adept at creating new ones as their predecessors, to judge by a poll released Wednesday by the publishers of Langenscheidt dictionaries.

Judges chose "gammelfleischparty", or "spoiled meat party," — an unflattering term for a gathering of people over 30 — as the "youth word of the year 2008." The word "gammelfleisch" was in the news frequently during the year when it was discovered that meat packers had been regularly supplying some kebab restaurants with past-due products.

"Bildschirmbraeune" or "screen tan" — referring to the complexion of someone who spends too much time at a computer — came second, while "unterhopft," meaning "underhopped," or in need of a beer, took third.

Fahrt Jokes

2008-12-05T15:00:00.008+01:00

One of the first thing an American notices in Germany is the use of "ausfahrt" on the Autobahn. Next comes giggles about "fahrt". There are einfahrts and ausfahrts. The American stores carry t-shirts with slogans like "Where the hell is ausfahrt?" or "I found ausfahrt." After about a week, I found it very childish and culturally insensitive (everybody knows I am very sensitive). Fahren is the German word for "to drive" and the t ending is just a part of the verb (like "ed" in English). So to tellsomeone to have a good trip, if they are driving, you say "Guten Fahrt" (which I must admit I still laugh at -- it sounds like something you would say to your roommate in college -- not to your wife because everyone knows she doesn't fart).

But, all that is to say that when I saw the name of a local cafe that caters to Americans I had to laugh again. I guess I'm not so sensitive afterall.

A Weekend in the Bavarian Alps

2008-11-21T16:48:00.008+01:00

Last weekend we visited Garmisch, Germany, in the Bavarian Alps. Here is the view from our hotel room.

Unfortunately Sam got sick just as we arrived and was relegated to the hotel room. But the kids and I got to go up to the top of Zugspitze, the highest mountain in Germany. On the way up we took the train.

We got into snow very quickly. Here are some scenes from the end of the train route at 2000 meters. The girlchild quickly learned that walking in deep snow in Crocs is not a good idea. She asked me for help. So, of course, I just grabbed the camera and took a picture.

The boy spent much of his time rolling snowballs off the edge of the Glacier.

It was surprisingly warm when sitting in the sun. If you look closely, you can see the summit above the restaurant.

For lunch I had the Weisswurst that Bavaria is famous for. I didn't care much for it but the idea of white sausage was entriguing. The girl had currywurst and the boy had schnitzel.

Then we took the cablecar to the summit and back down. The views were great.

On our way home we made a detour to see Neuschwanstein Castle, also know as Cinderella's Castle because it was used as a model for the castle at Disneyland. I took the pics with my phone and the only way it would zoom is in video mode.

Belgium

2008-10-21T15:26:00.008+02:00

We are in Europe for very serious work, but like the soldiers of MASH, we must find time away from the seriousness of war. One weekend recently we took a trip to Belgium. I want to get to as many countries as possible and I was wanting to see the North Sea.

Our trip was to Ostende on the Belgium coast across from England.

So we were able to walk in the North Sea -- but it was too cold to swim.

Along the beach was a paved walkway with peddle-car transportation.

There were magnificent, yet whimsical, structures. Here is one doing the tongue thing that I have been accused of doing. Also there is Sam doing a table dance on top of a sculpture.

This was also the first time I saw a doggie toilet.

From Ostende we took the train to Brugges.

I was fascinated to find a vending machine in the train station that sold beer.

And it had its effect on the train ride.

Brugges is a canal city and is known as the "Venice of the North." It had many interesting features.

Now for the completely different things. There is a bar for "American Table Dances," a hotel named "Le Excuse," a wonderful logo for a jeans store, and chocolate boobies:

One could find an interesting area that I was not able to check out.

The only negative of the trip was that I injured my eye. A champagne cork popped out and hit me directly in the left eye. I still have not fully regained my sight in that eye. After I got home I had to spend a few days in an improvised eye-patch until recovery.

Recipe of the Week -- Rotkohlknödel

2008-10-16T13:28:00.004+02:00

This is a "red cabbage dumpling" and was the side-dish for the Entenbrust in der Sesam-Honig-Kruste that I made a couple of weeks ago. This recipe was found in the same place, although I have since found it on the Bild newspaper website.

First the ingredients:

500 g Rotkohl (just a little over a pound of Red Cabbage)
2 EL Apfelmus (2 tablespoons of Applesauce)
1 Stück Zimt - Stange (one piece of Cinnamon)
1 EL Honig (2 tablespoons of Honey)
150 ml Wein, rot (2/3 cup of Red Wine)
50 g Schalotte(n) (about 2 oz. of diced sallots -- I used regular yellow onion)
20 g Butterschmalz (about 1 heaping tablespoon of "butter lard" -- I used butter Crisco)
1 Nelke(n) (clove - how do you use one clove? I used a couple of tablespoons)
Lorbeerblatt (bay leaf)
2 Wacholderbeeren (juniper berries -- I got them at the German grocery, but, again, how do you use 2? I just threw in a bunch)
3 Körner Pfeffer, geschrotet (3 peppercorns, ground)
1 Apfel, geschält und gerieben (1 apple, pealed and grated)
2 EL Speisestärke (2 tablespoons cornstarch)
40 g Mehl (about 3 tablespoons of flour)
2 Ei(er), verquirlt (2 eggs, beaten)
80 g Semmelbrösel (about 6 tablespoons of breadcrumbs)
Salz (salt)

Oil for frying

Mix well the finely chopped cabbage, apple sauce, cinnamon, honey, and red wine, season with salt and allow to stand for 3-4 hours. Cook the shallots (or onions) in the Crisco until they are clear. Mix all the spices and the shallots together with the cabbage mixture. Cover and simmer for about 30 minutes. Add the grated apple, the cornstarch dissolved in cold water, remove the bay leaf and cinnamon, and allow to cool. Form the mixture into 4 large balls and freeze until the outer layer is solid. Then dip the balls into the flour, then the eggs, and, finally, in the bread crumbs. Fry in oil until the outer layer is a golden brown (I used a deep fryer - proof, BTW, that we southerners are not the only ones who deep-fry everything). It doesn't take nearly as long as I thought it would for them to fry.

The result is a unique side-dish that is both sweet and hearty. Give it a try. See what you think.

I found this picture through a web-search. It doesn't look exactly the way mine turned out but you get the idea.

Back to Bitche ... France that is!

2008-10-08T15:30:00.005+02:00

I already reported on our first trip to Bitche but the Citadel was not open for visiting then. So we returned this summer for another look. The citadel at Bitche was featured in the Franco-Prussian war about 1870. One significant fact about that war was that it was the last time the line of Napolean led France. Prussia (part of what was soon to become a united Germany) defeated the French but was never able to take the Citadel. That was the one source of pride for the French at the time.

The front gate ... past the draw bridge ... shows what an imposing structure it is. You pass through a long tunnel to get to the top level. Then there are many levels below the ground but the pictures do not show it very well. There was an armory, a bakery, sleeping quarters, and even stalls for horses below ground.

One of the neat things on the top was this chapel. Inside the chapel is the original clockworks that still run the clock.

The citadel has a great view over the city. Sam is trying to figure out how to fire the cannon.

The toilet facitlies are still there but they leave something to be desired in privacy.

I wondered what the perspective of the group of German soldiers was.

There was also beauty to be found in interesting places. So flowers are growing through the walls.

Sam had the opportunity to enjoy Quiche Lorraine in Lorraine, France.

Finally, a "no-bitches" sign to end it all.

Recipe of the Week - Entenbrust in der Sesam-Honig-Kruste

2008-10-03T14:33:00.007+02:00

I have enjoyed learning more about cooking as a part of my domestication. I get some good responses from people when I try new recipes so I decided to share some of them. It also gives me an easy way to come up with blog posts more regularly -- I'm just not into doing memes.

I cooked this recipe for the first time last weekend. I had been wanting to cook duck for some time now -- never had done that before. I found this recipe in a German magazine on a recent trip to the States to visit my son's wedding. The real challenge was translating the article and adapting to European cooking measures (that are primarily by weight rather than cups, teaspoons, etc.). The magazine is GourmetReise which has a website (http://www.gourmetreise.de/) but I could not find the recipe on the site.

The recipe translates to Duck Breasts with Sesame-Honey Crust and, wow, is it good. I cooked three duck breasts and three chicken breasts (because Sam wasn't thrilled about the layer of fat on the duck breasts). You start by searing the breasts in a hot frying pan until the fat on the duck breast is charred nicely. After searing, remove the breasts and season with salt, pepper, and garlic. Then wrap the breasts in aluminum foil and bake in oven pre-heated to about 240 degrees. The recipe calls for it to stay in there for 20 minutes but I found, with a meat thermometer, that the breast was only up to 120 degrees at that point. I wasn't really interested in "rare" poultry so I cooked it until the temp was about 150 which took about another 20 minutes.

While that is cooking, mix the ingredients for the crust:

50 ml poultry stock (I used chicken broth)
80 g honey
75 g butter
2 tablespoons soy-sauce
100g sesame seed
salt
(you can also add chili powder but one of my guests doesn't like hot spices so I left it out)

You cook the sauce together until it begins to thicken. Remove the breasts from the oven, coat them on one side with the sauce (the fat side of the duck breasts) and place in the oven with it set to broil. Just watch it (for about 5 minutes) and remove when the crust takes on a beautiful gold color. Slice and serve.

I served it with Rotkohlknödel (also a first for me). I will give you that recipe next time.

The duck may have been a little over-done but still tasted great as did the chicken. Next time I will probably take the duck breasts out a little sooner.

Luxembourg

2008-09-30T11:19:00.007+02:00

On a cold fall day, I decided to remember our July 4 trip to Luxembourg. It started at the American Cemetery there.

There is a beautiful chapel just inside the gate along with detailed maps showing the battles and movements that led to the German surrender at the end of WWII and the many graves.

But there is no way to describe adequately the impact of standing before more than 5,000 small white crosses. Each represents a life, a family, a dedication to a cause, and an ultimate sacrifice thousands of miles away from home.

Included is the grave of General George Patton, the leader of many of these men.

And, on a personal note, Sam's grandfather's brother's grave.

After the sobering atmosphere of the cemetery --- btw, one of many that can be found throughout this area of Europe, we went on to Luxembourg City. On the way, I had to stop at this beautiful road next to an old farm ruin -- was it also a casualty of war?

The city itself is over 1,000 years old and features a fortress overlooking a river valley.

There were narrow streets and beautiful gardens.

There were also the light-hearted sights as well.

A mother/child statue with the nipple removed.

The ultimate in handicapped parking:

Sam's new favorite street:

We also got to experience the stereotypical bad service when we stopped for beer. As a result payment was made in exact change with no tip.

We also got to see that bridal showers can be ridiculous in any country and language:

Finally, something I never knew could be bought "Second Hand":

What is all of this?

2008-08-31T19:57:00.002+02:00

There are people out there who think they should be able to choose what they do, who they marry, and what choices they have in their life. WTF. Don't they know that there are people who can choose for them. It is so much easier. Then they don't have to decide who they love and want to spend their life with; they don't have to decide what they do with an unexpected pregnancy. What kind of freedom do we really want?

Hello Again

2008-08-31T18:29:00.005+02:00

OK, I've been gone about a month and, it seems, at least one person noticed. So, since I took a trip to the states to pick up my kids, things are starting to get back to normal. But, of course, normal for us is a strange venue for most. Today I have spend most of the day recovering from the mother of all hangovers. Apparently, you should not drink all night to watch a ballgame at 2:00am local time. Somehow I woke up at 4:00am and watched the second half of Alabama's (Roll Tide) victory over #9 ranked Clemson.

I did get to watch the latest Star Wars movie. My son wanted to watch it so it became my job for the afternoon. The good thing is that I got to go on my motorcycle -- with Isaac's best friend Tommy in tow.

Perils of Learning a New Language

2008-08-08T21:41:00.005+02:00

I have been trying to learn German from the time we came to live here. Tonight we had dinner with a German woman and I got a chance to use some of the German I had learned. So I told her: Ich esse gern ihr Kacke. What I should have said is: Ich esse gern ihr Kuche. So instead of saying, "I like to eat your cooking," I said, "I like to eat your shit." Oops. Luckily, she was quite understanding.

BTW, a German book I found that translates American slang for Germans has 5 1/4 pages devoted to the various usages in English of "shit." Beyond the word itself, the book tries to explain for Germans what Americans mean by "giving a shit," "shit hits the fan," "act like one's shit doesn't stink," "cut the shit," "shit eating grin," and "be up shit creek," for a few examples. Think about trying to explain those expressions to someone who doesn't know English. It shows just how difficult it is to translate the slang phrases of one language into another.

Short Local Trip

2008-08-07T15:54:00.012+02:00

I am still exploring the area around where we live. There are castle ruins accessed only by walking the trails through the woods. One of our recent finds was a Celtic site back up in the woods. These rocks, protected only by the shed built above them, were carved about 2500 years ago to bless the water source. The stream from the hill still flows today. This is a 5 minute drive and 15 minute walk away from my home.

On Wednesday (Mittwoch in German), I decided to find another local site. It is called the malmmut Baume (Giant Trees). In 1868 a German planted Giant Sequoyas from California. They were in a small grove off a "park and hike" place on the trail. I was all set for an adventure but ... there they were -- right on the road. Not 5 minutes outside the gate for our base. But, I was not disappointed by the size. You can't tell much from the pics but the trunks are at least 8 ft. across. I am also a bit fascinated that something from the new world was brought back here to grow.

Since that went much faster than I expected, I decided to ride around some more. I found another site called the Bier Keller on Jacob's Weg. Jacob's Weg is a pilgrimage trail that runs through this area. It starts back in central Germany and goes all the way to the coast in Spain. From the time of the Middle Ages, pilgrims would walk this trail to the supposed site where James the apostle's body is buried.

To show that people are not that different around the world, there is a posted message from the animals of the forest asking that people not litter the area.

Flambe HNT

2008-07-31T20:58:00.002+02:00

Tried out a new way of cooking steak ... wow was it good!

Love those European TV commercials

2008-07-30T10:16:00.004+02:00

You don't have to be in Europe very long before you realize "You ain't in Kansas anymore." The newspapers regularly have topless shots, the beaches (at least in Germany) have a lot of nudity, and even the billboards feature things like a recent series with different fruits covered by condoms. Here are a couple more examples. Do I have to add that these are NSFW?

First is a yogurt commercial.

Next is a clip posted by a German about a video-short that ran on French TV. The disclaimer at the beginning says it is not fit for anyone under 18 (at least in Germany) and that the clip ran at midnight on French television and hasn't been altered which is why it is in French. However, as the poster says, "die Bilder sprechen fur sich selbst" (the picture speaks for itself). Condom video.

Weekend in Paris - What you don't see in the travel brochures

2008-07-22T11:27:00.004+02:00

Here are a few miscellaneous pics to illustrate some other interesting things I found out about Paris. First of all, I loved the fact that there were street signs directing you to the nearest toilet. That can be very handy information when walking around an unfamiliar city.

Some things just need no explanation. But it was closed on Sunday so I didn't get a chance to go inside.

Here's a place that wasn't closed on Sunday. Apparently they didn't feel that the church services were much competition.

I found that Parisian hookers were camera shy. I first noticed her because she immediately ducked into a doorway when I started to take a picture of this monument. Although she was open on Sunday, I didn't get inside that either.

Then there was a store that got right to the point. Is there any doubt what you get in here ... or from the girl working outside?

Nude Sun Bathing in Germany

2008-07-16T19:11:00.004+02:00

Recently I found a small lake with a beach just 10 kilometers away from where we live. For 2 euros, or free if you have a beer at the bier garten, you can have complete access to the beach and the large field for picnicking and sunning. Yesterday I rode my motorcycle there and had lunch (wurst with roll and a beer). After lunch I took my towel out into the field and simply took all my clothes off and lay down to enjoy the sun. There were about 6 other people sunning in the nude, about that many other women sunning topless, and a larger number of people in swimsuits. As I undressed a group of children playing soccer came running by. The nudity was obviously no big deal to anyone there.

In a slight breach of etiquette, one man kept laying on top of his girlfriend/wife and humping her. He was obviously just being playful and would stop and lay down beside her after a few minutes. However, his little head didn't seem to know he was just being playful and was ready for action.

Next time I go to lay out in the nude, I am bringing my new beach towel.

It says I can get it personalized but I figure I will be able to personalize it on my own.

Weekend in Paris (3) - Parisian Cuisine

2008-07-16T12:16:00.013+02:00

Paris is world-renowned for its food. So I thought I would share some of our eating experiences. Here are the first two Paris restaurants where we ate:

To be fair, Sam and I got paninis and beer from a street vendor and brought them into KFC where the kids got their chicken nuggets.

There were also many windows filled with decorative french pastries.

BTW, we did really eat at a Parisian sidewalk cafe. There was wine and a plate of stinky cheese.

Did I mention the wine?

And right next to our hotel was the "Indiana Restaurant". Judging by the decor inside, they did a complete cowboys and indians motif right in the middle of Paris.

Here I was able to get a meal you cannot order in the States: Tartar (raw hamburger meat with a raw egg on top).

One advantage to getting raw food, your meal is ready first.

TMI Tuesday - School Days Edition

2008-07-15T17:08:00.002+02:00

I saw this on biscuit's blog and decided to chime in.

TMI Tuesday - School Days Edition

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek)
Probably a jock/geek. I played sports but was usually in the background. In my classes I was the smart ass guy.

2. What were you really?
Pretty much the same as #1.

3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?
Don't take yourself so seriously. Enjoy the options of life -- in other words, be a teenager. Unfortunately, I didn't start doing that until I was almost 40.

4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be?
As with Biscuit, it was at 15. There was one instance that would have changed my life: I wish I had gone out with a girl who volunteered to go with me to a dinner. I think it would have given me confidence that I so lacked as a teenager.

5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did?
See #4. As a result, I dated only one girl from age 15 (through marriage) until age 37. But, it is hard to wish things were different because those choices led me to the wonderful woman I am married to now.

Bonus (as in optional): If you went to prom, describe your outfit.
I never went to a prom. My religion was against dancing so this was another part of my teen years that I missed. I didn't really dance with a woman until I was about 37.

Caring for the Wounded

2008-07-14T13:46:00.003+02:00

If you are like me, you probably never heard of Landstuhl before we got here. The hospital at Landstuhl is the first stop for wounded leaving "down range" from both Iraq and Afganistan. The current issue of GQ magazine has an indepth article about the hospital entitled "The City of Broken Men."

Apparently in order to be considered for GQ, it was necessary for the author to describe a lurid drunken scene at a local pub involving two people as if it is representative of the 10,000 people who live and work here. But, if you can ignore the bias that often comes out against the military (e.g. "the so-called Patient Movement Request," it isn't "so-called", that's simply what it is) and sometimes portrayal of the medical staff as insensitive to the suffering of the patients, you do get a picture of the volume and severity of injuries that come through here.

As the article points out, the load from a single plane would be considered a catastrophic event at any ER in the states. And here it is a daily occurrence. These are the people that Sam helps unload from ambulances and walk through the ER. Later, some of these and more of their fellow soldiers who suffer the effects of PTSD from having witnessed these injuries come for inpatient and outpatient psychiatric help. Is it any wonder that so many suffer mentally after viewing this on a regular basis?

War is hell and we don't have to go very far to see its effects.

A Bad Peace

2008-07-12T09:01:00.007+02:00

My beloved has an excellent post about serving in times of war. It begins with a quote from Benjamin Franklin: "There never was a good war or a bad peace." After thinking about it, I think there is such a thing as a "bad peace." Specifically, I think of the U.S. being at peace in the late 1930s when Hitler was running over Europe and sending millions to death/concentration camps. Is it OK to be at peace when others are suffering?

Let's put it on a more personal level. If I am not suffering but my neighbor/friend is, am I in a place of good peace? Do I not have any responsibility to help those who are suffering? Most of us have not suffered from the flooding that has affected so much of the Mississippi valley this year or the devastation to New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina. Should we just be happy in our peace and not do anything to help those suffering?

Do our responsibilities end at national borders? When national disasters such as cyclones or tsunamis kill thousands and displace hundreds of thousands, the U.S. joins other countries in providing humanitarian aid. But recently in Myanmar we faced the conflict caused by the refusal of the ruling junta to allow U.S. ships bearing aid to come into their country. As a result it is estimated that over 2 million people were in danger who could have been helped.

Do our responsibilities end with natural disasters? If thousands are killed and hundreds of thousands or displaced, not by a natural event, but by a repression from their own governments, what are we to do? Can we really enjoy our "peace" if innocent people are killed by regimes in Kosovo in the 1990s or today in Zimbabwe, Sudan, or Myanmar (Burma)? It is easy to criticize the U.S. position in Iraq, but no one denies the atrocities of Saddam Hussien on the Kurds and Iraqis. Sure, we should have had a more specific "exit strategy" and not acted based upon the illusion of WMD that Saddam Hussien maintained to keep Iran from attacking again. But what is the alternative? Should we just pull into our borders and enjoy our peace while ignoring the suffering in the world?

John McCain has been criticised for saying it would be OK to stay in Iraq for "a hundred years", like we have a presence in Germany and Japan. While I do not think American bases in Iraq would be wanted on a long term basis (by either the Iraqis or the American people), some reactions to the comment make it sound as though we have no place putting military bases in other countries. Do we just close all U.S. military bases outside our borders? How would we able to respond quickly to both humanitarian needs and military actions from only within our borders?

Besides, in this age of global communication and global economy, such isolationism just isn't practical. We cannot simply withdraw within ourselves, enjoy our "peace," and limit contact with other countries. We want other countries to buy our products and we want many of their products.

Which reminds me, I remember protests about Nike work conditions in Asian countries. Do we only care if they have child labor or sweatshop conditions and care nothing about the same people being systematically murdered by their own government? How can people who care about the environment, the animals, and possible unsafe work conditions turn a blind eye to the murder of thousands and hundreds of thousands? They seem to be more concerned about criticising their own country than really helping the innocent.

And, guess what, sometimes the only solution is through the military. Yes, diplomacy can work and should be an option. But what next? So many seem to have the unrealistic idea that all the world needs is talk -- or love. Did Hitler just need to be loved? Will the people suffering from flooding and hurricanes be satisfied with a group hug? As parents we know that sometimes real love involves very difficult but important discipline. Our national discipline is basically economical sanctions or military action. Dictators in other countries are not really swayed by the fact that we are mad at them.

I think I identify more with President Theodore Roosevelt: "Walk softly, but carry a big stick." And don't ever be satisfied with a bad peace.

Weekend in Paris (2) - A Redneck in the Louvre

2008-07-09T15:22:00.010+02:00

On our first day in Paris, we walked from our hotel to the Louvre. It was fun just experiencing the street scene in Paris (more on that later). But the Louvre ... wow ... there is no way to describe how large this place is. It has two H-U-G-E courtyards surrounded by large buildings. In the second courtyard is the famous glass pyramid (see "DaVinci Code").

The main visitors' entrance is through the glass pyramid. It was funny to see that practically everyone in the long line made straight for the most famous exhibit -- the Mona Lisa. Here is the boy's blue head in front of what he called "the most famous painting in the world." There was a large crowd gathered around the rather small painting while the other end of the room was dominated by a beautiful painting that covered the entire wall. Hardly anyone was paying it any attention.

BTW, there was no secret writing on the back of the painting. And, apparently, I wasn't the first to try to see.

The next exhibit that warranted its own special directions sign was the Venus de Milo. I guess the big deal is that even back in the 1st Century they were recognizing the beauty of those deformed through no fault of their own.

In the hall outside the Mona Lisa was a huge exhibit of Italian paintings from the Renaissance period. At least two of the Ninja Turtles were represented. One girl coming out of the Mona Lisa exhibit looked up this huge hall filled with paintings by the masters and said (in English of course), "Is there anything else here to see?"

Of course, there was much more to see. For example, this bronze statue of Diane the bitch.

Then there was this rendition of John the Baptist called "Pull my Finger."

And this politically incorrect statue featuring one man saying, "See I have both my hands."

Then this racy relief of an old man getting him some boob.

Finally there was this terrified expression of a man who, apparently, had met my ex-wife.

In the three hours we were in the Louvre, we probably saw about 20% of it. We will never forget the experience (but we hope they will eventually forget about us).

A Weekend in Paris (1)

2008-07-08T08:57:00.012+02:00

Before taking the kids to the states to spend their summer with family, we decided to take a quick weekend trip to Paris together. To avoid the hassle of dealing with the car, we took the ICE (fast) train. The six hour car drive took only two hours by train. Once we went past 300 kilometers per hour (about 180 miles per hour). It was a fun ride. I have a lot of pictures and I am going to post a few of them in different categories. We start with a couple of the most famous landmarks in Paris.

The day began with the girlchild getting herself in the mood for Paris.

But, of course, the most famous is the Eiffel Tower. The boy was most excited to bring his best friend Tommy to the Eiffel Tower.

The size of the tower begins to really hit you when you are underneath. There you also see the ubiquitous teams of soldiers with guns and live ammo.

Here is the view of the park outside the Eiffel Tower from the middle level. After waiting two hours to get in to the middle level, neither Isaac nor I was up to waiting another hour in the cold to ride the elevator to the top.

Finally, a shot of the kids in front of Notre Dame. We enjoyed walking around it and the park filled with artists. However, due to an upcoming anniversary celebration, the interior was closed for that one afternoon only.

Tomorrow, a redneck's take on the Louvre.

Our Home in Germany

2008-07-07T16:35:00.004+02:00

Establishing personal identity in government housing can be a challenge. But Sam worked hard to get her flowers going this spring.

She did a great job. Can you guess which balcony is ours?

Let's Go Green -- Recycle

2008-07-07T01:04:00.005+02:00

The Nuva ring is a new birth control device. But if it is as successful as the manufacturers want it to be, what will become of the millions of leftovers. Well, here is a suggestion for one use of them .... Smell my hair.

Monuments to War

2008-06-19T20:26:00.003+02:00

I had a postcard from 50 years ago with the mounted praying soldier in Landstuhl. It had been moved and took me a while to find it in town. It is now located in Dengmal (Memorial) park. The statue memorializes the dead from the war of 1914-1918. It lists the name of each resident of Landstuhl who died each year of the "Great War". It says that each died "a heroes death".

The second monument is to those who died in the "Second World War."

All over Germany are reminders that war is hell no matter what side you are on. WW2 is easily accepted in our society as a "righteous war." But there is also a cemetary in this town filled with the graves of children killed when our bomb blew up their school. There are "noncombatent casualities" in every war. We should never think it's no big deal to go to war.

Tagged

2008-06-10T17:53:00.003+02:00

Taaaaaaaaagged
My friend Kelly tagged me.

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning of the post. Each player answers the questions about themselves in their post. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer. (The only people I would list are tagged by other people I know so I won't add to that)

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago I was working with a Psychological company out of Jackson, Tenn. I had a baby girl who was about 10 months old at the time. So I worked (traveling throughout Tennessee), fighting with my older teens, and building a relationship with my new children.

2. What are five things on my list to do today?

This is what my list looks like:
Küche (kitchen)
Wäscherei (laundry)
Motorcycle Safety Course (8 hours)
abend Essen (cook dinner)
kinder Schule (kids to school)

3. Snacks I enjoy?

Peanut Butter on Crackers
Chips and Salsa
Nuts

4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?

Anybody I wanted to.

5. Three of my bad habits?

Lack of exercise
Don't get enough sleep
Procrastinate

6. Five places I have lived?

Birmingham, Alabama
Memphis, Tennessee
Jackson, Tennessee
Cuba, Missouri
Kosciusko, Mississippi

7. Five jobs I’ve had?

Professor
Preacher
Marketing
Selling Cable TV door to door
Prison Counselor

8. How did you name your blog?

Just the whole Pineapple thing.

A Trip on the Rhine

2008-06-06T09:28:00.007+02:00

On Thursday (Donnerstag auf deutsch), Sam and I got to go on a base-wide trip to the village of Bingen on the Rhine river. It started with a bus ride to Bacharach and a 1 1/2 hour river cruise to Bingen. Castles along the Rhine (and most rivers in Germany) are as plentiful as barns in the southern US. After a while you really do find yourself saying, "Oh yeah, there's another one." To keep from boring you, I am only including a few of the photos selected somewhat at random. Click on the pics for enlargements -- check out the dragon in the garden of the middle house in the first pic.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Old Age

2008-05-11T08:22:00.002+02:00

We opened our new play this week. It is a musical which is a first for me. I've never attempted to sing on stage before. The show is fun and the audiences seem to enjoy it. We have pirates, hookers, virgins, slaves, and a "befuddled old man." See if you can guess which one I play.

Don't you think we will make a nice couple?

Great Tits Cope With Global Warming!!!!

2008-05-08T23:48:00.004+02:00

BBC News, that's the British Broadcasting Corporation for you Cretens, has a lead story in its science news that great tits can help cope with global warming. BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Great tits cope well with warming I know I've always found them warming myself.

But then I clicked on the site. Talk about "bait and switch". I go to a headline in a European setting that should, at least, have some sample pictures. And what do I find -- an article about birds ... WTF!!! All the pictures have to do with birds ... or is it bird tits. Wow, those Brits really are "out there." Sometimes I feel so Puritan.

I guess there really isn't anything positive about global warming .... :(

A Visit to a Celtic Ringwald

2008-04-18T22:40:00.005+02:00

Today my wife and I visited a Celtic ringwald. I didn't know what a ringwald was, I just saw the sign on the Autobahn about 50 kilometers from our home. After fighting through a major construction zone, we arrived at the ringwald park. We drove around in the forest and looked at signs for a few minutes and still didn't know where we were. We kept driving around this big pile of rocks looking for the ringwald. Then, duh! A set of steps helped us recognize the ringwald.

This wall is HUGE! It was built by a tribe of Celts in the 4th or 5th Century BC! For the mathmatically challenged, that is about 2500 years ago.

When originally constructed it was the height of a modern 5 story building and just as thick. That sounds like Great Wall of China dimensions. It surrounded a small settlement on the top of a hill. For more than 300 years, the people lived within its protection. Then about the 1st Century, they abandoned it. The Romans took it over and built a small temple on its grounds.

Since the forest there was considered sacred and there wasn't anyone else around, we felt moved to participate in an ancient fertility ritual. The crops in Germany will do well this year.

Here is the link for the park: http://www.keltenring-otzenhausen.de/index.htm . It does have an English translation of the signs in the park.

Gotta Get Me One of Those

2008-04-17T13:17:00.005+02:00

In my German class today, a student asked the teacher about a phenomenon she heard from her German neighbor. Her neighbor's husband is rehabing from an injury of some kind and she is afraid he is becoming depressed. She thinks he is depressed because he won't get a "Kurschatten".

The teacher explained that a Kurschatten (literally "cure shadow") is a friend/companion that you have while recovering. This friend, of the opposite sex, goes out with you, eats with you, dances with you at the evening activities. So, in reality, they believe you will recover better if you have a new girlfriend (or boyfriend) helping you. She said it worked because when she and her husband went for a cure (usually 3-4 weeks at a German vacation spa) that they would see people who were sick/hurting during the day but tearing up the dancefloor at night with their Kurschatten. Once you have recovered, it is expected that the relationship would end.

I did some research and found the term in the German edition of wikipedia with the same explanation that the teacher gave. The article added that it was a continuation of a process that goes back to the Middle Ages of combining spa recovery and eroticism. This cartoon illustrates the practice:

What the old man at the spa is saying to his wife is basically: "I am going straight to my evening exercises."

The Germans have a strong belief in the need for recreation time -- a minimum of four weeks vacation. Also German doctors regularly prescribe and German insurance covers weeks of rehab at the spas. But not only do they believe you should go for such recovery vacations, they also believe you should have a girfriend there with you.

I believe I'm getting down in my back now ...

Random Political Thoughts

2008-04-15T17:46:00.006+02:00

To start with, I am a conservative. But not a never abortion, no gun control, religious right at all costs conservative. But every time I re-evaluate my position by comparing it to other political positions, I end up conservative.

But I'm fed up with political positioning. John McCain's position about staying up to "a hundred years" in Iraq has been distorted by the Democrats. Barack Obama's statement that Pennsylvania voters are "bitter" has been distorted. I can't say anything positive about Hilliary Clinton because she had clearly flat out lied (the whole sniper fire in Bosnia thing). I believe she will do absolutely anything to get elected. In my opinion, that makes her the least qualified for the greatest office of service to our nation.

Did Bush lie ... probably. Did he know he was lying at the time ... I don't think so but that doesn't excuse it at this position. Is he arrogant and misleading - without a doubt. Will history look at him as a great President ... I don't think so. He was what the nation thought was the safest option at the time.

To paraphrase what General Petraeus said at the congressional hearings: How history will judge us in Iraq is not what brought us here but what we do now. Are we really morally content to abandon those who have stood with us and leave them to the extremist who will dominate the country if we just leave the country now? How will we ever convince people standing for freedom in the future if we abandon them now? Yes, we've shown that we can do that. But does that make it right?

I have a son in Kuwait waiting to go into a position of volitility in Iraq. I have another son and a wife subject to deployment at any time. Yes, I wish they would all be safe at home. But how safe is it if we all want everyone at home and have no one on the walls of defense? When 9/11 happened we all had the terror threat brought realistically home. It won't disappear just because we want it to or give in to the pressure of terrorism.

When I come down to this complicated issue, my one thought is: who would the terrorist hope would win the U.S. presidency? What kind of endorsement is that? If we had followed that line of thinking ... we would still be a British colony.

I vote for freedom for all.

We Can Always Learn Something New

2008-04-13T16:52:00.003+02:00

Apparently documentaries in England are different from the US (even the Real Sex series on HBO).

Here is one on the missionary position:

http://www.youporn.com/watch/105642/kamer-zeig-tuns-den-akt-im-inneren-1/

Another on the "rear entry" position:

http://www.youporn.com/watch/105648/kamer-zeig-tuns-den-akt-im-inneren-2/

Never been turned on by reality TV before.

First Visit To a German Spa

2008-03-15T01:34:00.003+01:00

Today was a first for me ... I visited a German spa. Germany is big on spas. Every city with "Bad" in the name is a city featuring a spa (Bad Durkheim, Baden Baden to name a couple). The German people really believe in the use of preventive and curative values of spa -- warm springs, saunas, hot tubs, pools, steam rooms.

Today I went to the Miramar spa near Mannheim. It was like an American water park ... at first. There were indoor/outdoor heated pools, water slides, and hot tubs. Kids were running around everywhere -- I guess it was a German school holiday. But then you went through a special door and entered "Sauna paradies" (apparently Sauna paradise). This was the "no bathing suit" section. At first, it didn't seem that different because most people had towels or robes on as they moved from place to place (but not everyone). But once you got to a sauna, steam room, or pool, you took off the shower shoes and hung up the towel. Everyone inside was naked (not "nekkid" because there wasn't any hanky-panky going on). There were young girls and young guys; middle-age women and men; old women and men; skinny women and men; fat women and men. Nothing special about them except they were naked.

Once you coped with the nakedness, the next thing was the sites themselves. There was a sauna where you lay down on the tiles in the dry heat; the one where the temp was nearly boiling and you sat on towels on slats; the ice room that gave the opposite feeling. Two side-by-side "hot tubs" featured hot water and cold water -- I didn't know that so a screamed "shit" came out when I stepped into the the cold water. Saunas had aroma therapy, different levels of heat and/or steam, different settings (cabins outside or rooms inside), different seating/laying arrangements. There was a restaurant where you could get beer and pizza or lounges where you could just lie down and read or sleep.

But the main focus was relaxation. Everything seemed to be designed to provide maximum stress relief. And that was nice. It was a good experience.

Say What?!

2008-03-10T10:17:00.003+01:00

In the grocery store last week I had one of those, "What did you say?" moments. A lady behind me said, "Put your head back in so I can walk." Now, I know that some people try to get a lot done during the last days of a pregnancy, but this would really be pushing it (no pun intended). Of course, when I turned to look, as I had to do, it was a small toddler leaning too far out of the cart. Oh well, I still got a chuckle out of it.

Hair HNT

2008-02-14T07:03:00.003+01:00

Yesterday, as I drove through the ID check at a military gate, it happened ... for the first time. The young guard greeted me with, "Hello mame, how are you today?" Then she did a double-take when she looked at my ID and said, "Oh, I'm very sorry sir." What would make her think I look like a woman?

Every Guy Should Know When Not to Mess With Women

2008-02-08T13:20:00.000+01:00

According to the email I received, this is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web mail-award-winning letter.... (To the Goddesses, this is only posted with the deepest respect for everything we men put you through. If you get really angry at me about it, please wait about 5 days and see how you feel then.)

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Gotta Love the Ambition

2008-01-30T22:52:00.000+01:00

Classified personal ad currently running in the European edition of Stars and Stripes (the military daily newspaper):

Looking 4 man to show me a life of dreams! So much 2 give -- Non-working stay at home mom of 6. Prefer retired GS level, maybe a General. Call soon before I'm off the market!! ....(phone number) ...

I Took My Bitch* to Bitche ... France that is

2008-01-17T21:29:00.000+01:00

*I mean that in the very best sense ... especially since she is trained so she could kill me in my sleep.

We had time for a daytrip and couldn't resist a trip to Bitche, only 30 kilometers away.

The main attraction in Bitche is a huge citadel that is very well restored (the restoration occurred before the USA was even a country). Luckily for us, although the citadel was closed to Germans and French, it was open to Americans (otherwise there would be a sign in English ... right).

In France, even the woodpiles are artistic:

On the downside, the public toilets required payment. But when you have to go ...

We found more artwork while walking along a narrow street. The filler material under much of the artwork is broken mirror glass -- can you imagine that in the US?

As a way to summarize a perfect day in France. I had french bread.

French fries.

and a French kiss.

Tagged - my turn

2008-01-17T17:43:00.000+01:00

Tagged by both sweet Siren and Thai back in Alabama guy I felt compelled to take my turn.

Here are the rules--1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. 3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Since about everyone I know has already participated, I am going to omit the tagging part. But, at least, I will try to get into the spirit of the post.

1. I like being a kept man. Without regular working hours, I take care of the basic household chores, manage the children and dogs, but still have some free time. I just haven't gotten into the TV soaps yet.

2. Similarly to number 1, I like cooking. I experiment with different recipes and alter the menu regularly. To keep my balls intact, much of my cooking is on the grill. Last night I made a seafood soup with chicken broth, zuchini, onions, peppers, leeks (I didn't even know what those were before), tomatoes, scallops, and shrimp. It was very good if I do say so myself.

3. I like football -- nothing new there. Except that since I am in Germany I have to watch the game at 2:00 am or a replay the next day (of course, without looking at the score on any of the news sources). I'm not complaining, however, because I do get to watch most of the games ... eventually.

4. I like wearing women's underwear. ... Not really, just trying to keep you awake. However, I do like removing women's underwear.

5. I enjoy reading erotica more than watching porn. I just get bored seeing the same thing over and over again.

6. I love corny teen coming of age movies: Animal House, Porky's, all the American Pie movies, Euro-trip (especially in view of my current circumstances), Hollywood Knights, the National Lampoon movies (Vacation, Van Wilder).

7. Other movies I really like are: Walk the Line; Eddie and the Cruisers (especially the second one); the Bourne movies (and books); Streets of Fire; Batman Begins; Wild Hogs; Notting Hill; The Ref; and A Christmas Story (How's that for variety?)

8. I like it when Sam does that thing with her tongue.

Freedom Isn't Free

2008-01-16T21:43:00.000+01:00

Children think food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and money to spend at the store are free. Parents know better. But do we also remember that the freedom to go to the job we have (and love or hate), the church we attend, the sports we enjoy, etc. also comes at a price. In Europe, I know the sites of cemeteries and battles that led to freed innocent and imprisoned people. I am now less that 100 miles from a battle site that cost more lives than any battle in world history (Verdun, WWI, estimated about 1 million lives in less than one year). Everyone in that battle believed in what they were doing. On the front lines of battle, people fight personally. They are fighting for their family and close friends -- no political ideal.

In spite of what so many in America think today, thousands of their fellow countrymen and women are still fighting for freedom. They sleep little, react to every unknown sound or person, hope for a few minutes on the phone or internet with their loved ones, and still go on ... every day. They do it for people who pay lip service to appreciation but allow politicians to control the real support -- supplies, protection, policy, pay, benefits. But they still do it ... every day. They walk in the sand so you can sleep in peace. And most of you don't even know it ... much less appreciate it.

Here's the testimony of one soldier who gave all ... for you. Whether you really know it or not. He and thousands of others placed themselves in the position of protection so you don't have to think about it. He deserves some thought.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch Ya'll?

2008-01-16T16:40:00.000+01:00

I've been taking German classes now for a few weeks and trying to communicate when I go to the store. It's pretty pathetic. Most places I have lived, people have had trouble understanding my English (apparently not everyone will "carry their mother purt near all the way to the store"). I even took a test (Try it yourself) that proved I was 100% Dixie.

But it is interesting to encounter cultural differences. One girl in class told the story of her German landlord bringing cake to her husband and telling her that if he ate too much "He will have big dick." She was quite taken aback and speechless. Eventually she was able to grasp that in German "dick" means "fat, stout." She said that until she learned that she was ready to forcefeed the whole cake to him.

I had seen graffiti on the road that read "Ich liebe dich." Since I knew enough to know that the first part meant "I love", I just assumed it was a boy coming out or a girl declaring her heterosexuality. But, I learned that "dich" is a form of "du" which is the informal "you."

In addition to language quirks, the cultural differences are apparent. There are topless girls in the newspaper and on sales posters in some stores; billboards with condoms on fruit (you can guess the different fruits) to promote safe sex; cigarette machines on the sidewalks; contact lens available in stores without prescriptions (I like to wear one reflective one and one black one); and no free shopping carts or bags (you carry a lot of stuff in your arms to the car).

All in all, it has been a great experience and I look forward to more encounters in the future.

Why?

2007-12-13T22:01:00.000+01:00

I was really down this week: one son questioning/challenging me; another son activated to go to Iraq; my wife potentially deployed at any time ... but then my youngest daughter sent me this. It still brings tears to my eyes as it reminds me that I really do love this country and the spirit behind it. Whatever the motives of leadership who make the decisions, almost every (there are no absolutes) soldier "down range" feels he/she is helping the innocent. They are leaving behind those they love for an ideal they believe in. This is the ideal

A Day At the Christmas Markets

2007-12-03T21:46:00.000+01:00

It's hard to pass up a Christmas Market that is less than 20 miles away and at a castle over 800 years old. So the family got in the Christmas spirit.

Works for Mr. Moms Too

2007-10-01T09:24:00.000+02:00

Mom's Overture is worth the three minutes.

You Know You're In A Foreign Country When ...

2007-09-25T21:14:00.000+02:00

I first experienced this phenomenon when I visited Chicago a few years ago. We stayed at a hotel next to a large park. Imagine my shock and surprise when I learned that it was "Grant's Park" and had a large statue of the union general. I had never seen a civil war statue that wasn't a confederate soldier. Yet, here in this foreign land I learned that they commemorated their heroes as well -- even if they were from the other side.

While walking around the old town area of Kaiserslautern I felt a real dayza view moment. There was a statue commemorating their soldiers who had died in WWII. They looked exactly like all the old movies about the war.

I'm enjoying this opportunity to see history from other viewpoints.

Impressions on Driving the Autobahn

2007-09-21T20:23:00.000+02:00

OK, I've been in Germany a couple of weeks and have gotten to experience the phenomenon I had heard all my life -- the Autobahn. It is like Utopia for fast driving enthusiasts -- wide, multi-lanes with NO SPEED LIMIT.

And there it was ... but there were speed limit signs (at least in places close to cities). But, WOW, the speed limit was 130. I wasn't even sure my care could do 130 ... but I tried. Then I remembered the joys of the metric system. It wasn't 130 mph ... it was 130 kph (kilometers per hour). But, still, that translated to roughly 79 mph.

I had read that you had to watch out for the really fast drivers in the passing lane. And, it really is a passing lane. You will get a ticket if you cruise in the left lane without passing. I absolutely love this! So I'm driving between 90 and 100 mph in the right lane and see vehicles flying up behind me and getting ready to pass me. I was looking for Porsches or Ferraris ... but what I saw were ... minivans, passenger vans, volkswagons. WTF! They were blowing by me like I was some granny on the freeway driving 45 mph.

So I was humbled. But I am getting better. Now I pass more than pass me. But I still have to get out of the way of the insane drivers ... no matter what they are driving.

A Visit To France

2007-09-12T19:49:00.000+02:00

Just to see how it would go, we went to France Monday when Sam had an off day. It was only 30 minutes by Autobahn (love to drive fast) to the border and about an hour to the historic city of Metz. We didn't have any particular destination and just drove around the city until we saw an old cemetery. It was not famous, or all that well kept, but it was still beautiful. I was especially struck by families that obviously once held great power and prominence but now no one even maintains their magnificent tombs.

Many of the tombs looks like models of cathedrals:

This one was a small child with an opening to view the casket that was covered in stone carved to look like a draped cloth.

They even had beautiful stained glass in them (some in terrible states of disrepair):

There were many beautiful statues:

After a while, however, nature calls and you just want to find a toilette (French for outhouse). We found some, only to discover they were closed.

Luckily, Sam was able to find a place for some relief:

Finally -- A Little Sightseeing

2007-09-10T22:10:00.000+02:00

After a week of overcoming jet-lag, doing the Army shuffle between offices to get forms signed, going to driving school (and getting my driving license), buying a car, getting the kids in school,

unpacking, etc. ad nauseum... we finally got to enjoy the place where we live.

On Sunday, we walked down to the festival that was going on in our town.

I swear, the first song I heard played in Germany was at this festival and was ...... "Ackey Breakey Heart." Made me feel like home.

Here's the castle above the festival and a shot of Sam's new favorite band:

Today was a little slow. We drove over to France for lunch and visited a cool old cemetery. Those pics for later.

Redneck in a Furen Cuntry

2007-09-04T00:48:00.000+02:00

I am, by god, in Germany. Wow!!! These are my first observations after arriving here yesterday.

1. Germans talk a lot faster than the language CDs I have been listening to.

2. They really like white houses and buildings over here.

3. German spec cars go really fast!!!

4. Today I heard my first European siren (other than on movies). It sounds just like the movies.

5. MPs are suspicious of guys out on the base walking their dog at 2am.

6. Jet lag is real. I thought it would be no big deal. I worked for years driving between the eastern and central time zones. That wasn't any big deal just remember the calculations. Apparently it is different adjusting to seven time zones. I woke up at 2am the first night (hence making the MPs suspicious), stayed up until 6am and then slept until 1pm. But I will get over it.

7. It is amazing to me to see new models of cars they stopped selling in the states many years ago: MG, Fiat, Opel.

8. A week ago I was dealing with 105 degree + temperatures. Today I went out on the balcony and could see my breath. That's another adjustment.

Vacuum Update

2007-08-25T16:11:00.000+02:00

One week after getting the new vacuum attachment.

No More Complaints About Vacuuming

2007-08-23T16:40:00.000+02:00

This inventive woman has found a way to make vacuuming fun. She was just cleaning the carpet when she started eying the nozzle in a different light, an amorous light. So after spending all the rest of the day perfecting the invention, she had a prototype ready to sell. Apparently 15 years without sex gets your mind to wander. It's a good thing she wasn't using the curling iron when she got horny.

I hope she wiped down the vacuum.

Grocery Shopping with Kids

2007-08-23T15:16:00.000+02:00

Whether you are a parent of one or 6, you can identify with this mother's description of grocery shopping with kids. Selling common items with an interesting story may become a new trend on ebay.

Beer Butt Chicken with a Twist

2007-08-20T15:34:00.000+02:00

I did the Beer Butt Grilled Chicken thing yesterday. I have found it a way to keep moist a slowly grilled whole chicken. But it's getting a little boring and cliche. So I decided to stuff mine with an Italian sausage. And, as they say, it's all in the presentation.

Seemed Like She Was Having a Religious Experience

2007-08-17T23:21:00.000+02:00

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-16T22:43:00.000+02:00

One day 3 dogs were sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. The 1st dog notices the other dogs and asks them why they're here.

"I ate my owner's shoe," said the first dog, "and I'm getting put to sleep."

"Me too," said the 2nd dog.

"What did you do?" asks they ask of the 3rd dog.

"Well, you see, my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. So yesterday she was vacuuming -- in the nude of course and I couldn't resist; I jumped on and had the ride of my life," responded the 3rd dog.

"So you're getting put to sleep to?"

"No, I'm getting my nails trimmed."

108 In The Shade

2007-08-15T22:52:00.001+02:00

Pretty Irish lady recently commented on the heat wave we have been experiencing around here. One newspaper claimed it was a record that we had 8 days (and still counting) in a row with triple digit temperatures. Here's what it looked like on our patio this afternoon.

So with this heatwave overwhelming us, what does the boy wear to school? Long sleeves and long blue jeans (with a drawer full of tee-shirts and shorts). Even the girlchild wears a jacket each day over her short sleeves and long pants.

I started seeing this phenomenon with my older children about 15 years ago and it drove me nuts. They would wear warm clothes in the hot weather and cool weather clothes (mostly tee-shirts) in the winter. However, after visiting the schools during the day I discovered the reason for this strange habit. In the hot weather, the new air-conditioning units in those schools are going full blast. Really, it felt like hog killing weather and there was no doubt that you could safely hang meat in them (what does that sentence tell you about my background). Conversely, in the winter, the heat felt like you had walked into a sauna. So the kids learned to wear the clothing that made them comfortable in the place they were spending most of their day -- the classroom.

God, how different that is from what I remember in school. In the winter, the coal furnaces furnished just enough heat to keep the pipes from freezing solid. There were many days that we had frost on the inside of the windows. And, this is in the warm south (Alabama). Then, there were those months in the late spring when the classroom felt like an oven. The lone fan would sit on the teacher's desk to keep her comfortable. The rest of us would be trying to keep the sweat from smudging the papers we were writing. I was never in an air-conditioned school room until college.

BTW, Mommy, how do you like the newly cut hair?

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-14T18:59:00.000+02:00

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken."

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-14T06:05:00.000+02:00

An army camp in India received a new commander. During the new commander's first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for. One of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely for sex since there were no women there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the me to bring the camel to his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out, zipped up his pants, and said, "So is that how the other men do it?"

One of the men responded, "No, we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

Ambidextrous

2007-08-13T23:35:00.000+02:00

Really ... the blisters and potential callouses on my hands have nothing to do with the fact that my wife is in Germany. It's just a side effect of my new hobby. I believe the people at Honda who designed the hand grips back in the 1970s had relatives at Hiroshima.

Surfing Without an Ocean

2007-08-12T23:20:00.000+02:00

When you are a kid, you find a way to have fun. When I was young I remember when skateboarding started. Only then they were called "Sidewalk Surfboards." And I never had in mind doing any tricks except learning not to fall down. This weekend, my kids decided to "surf" with their Heelys (shoes with wheels in the heel). After a while they decided they needed some help. So the dog got drafted to provide the pulling power.

Then today the boy and I went out to surf the Elk River:

Finally, after a local farmer came to fill his water tank, the surfer gave up and started skipping rocks (try doing that in the ocean).

In the Second Decade of My Mid-Life Crisis*

2007-08-11T18:12:00.000+02:00

*Or what I like to call the fun part of life.

First honey has only begun phase one of the mid-life crisis. I am in the advanced class:

There really is a logical explanation as to why I bought an old motorcycle. Here's my story (and I'm sticking to it): I was reading about driving in Europe and came across the section on getting a motorcycle license. It gave me the thought that at sometime in the next 3 years I might want to rent a motorcycle for a sight-seeing trip. Now if you don't have a motorcycle license from the states you have to take a German certified motorcycle course (in German) and then take the motorcycle test (in German) and, on top of all that, you can expect to pay up to $2000 for the privilege. But, if you have a motorcycle license from the states it is very easy to get one.

So, I started checking on getting a motorcycle license here. I found it involved passing a vision test, a written test based on the state motorcycle driving manual, and a motorcycle skills driving test. "But I don't have a motorcycle." "Then you need to borrow one or rent one because you can't get a license without one."

Since no one I know is stupid ... uh ... I mean cool enough to have a motorcycle. I decided to look for a cheap one on ebay that I could ride for a few weeks, pass the test, get some practice on, and, then sell when we leave the country. Obviously it was meant to be because, not only did I find exactly what I was looking for, it was located in the county in which we live.

I went for the first ride today and did pretty well considering it was the first time in 30 years I have been on a motorcycle. I was a little shaky at first so I went out onto a country road to get a feel for the bike. About the time I was feeling good about myself, I ran out of gas. One thing about country roads around here, they don't have much cell phone coverage so I was screwed. However, again proving that this was meant to be, at the next house a man was outside going to take care of his cows and gave me a gallon of gas that got me back to town.

In addition, I've already had someone express interest in buying the bike for $400 more than I paid for it. I should be in good shape, assuming it doesn't turn out looking like this:

A real plus is thinking about the opportunity to have sex on the bike:

I thought about going for a ride today but my hip joint is killing me. Apparently my body has to do more adapting than I realized.

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-09T21:18:00.000+02:00

One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?"

The doctor replies, "Well to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh.

A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"

The patient smiles and replies, "You were right! I feel so much better. And by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-05T20:10:00.000+02:00

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is -- it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is -- it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

Another taste and she gave up, "What is it?"

"A puppy!"

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-04T19:06:00.000+02:00

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhardt yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pok..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you much acquit!"
10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

and the Best one...
11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

What a Treat!

2007-08-04T18:33:00.000+02:00

This morning my daughter got up a a strange frame of mind. She wanted to clean the apartment and cook lunch. After a few minutes of looking around to see if I was being "punked," I grab the camera to catch this moment for history. The one day she actually asked if she could do housework.

It started with a menu and then she got her little brother involved.

Musings from a Road Trip 3 -- What's in a Name?

2007-08-03T22:48:00.000+02:00

You ever see the name of a place and wonder where would such a name come from? In the spirit of the Badcock Furniture chain, do people really see what their business name looks like to others? For example, am I the only one to find this restaurant name incongruent?

At the very least I'm willing to bet I'm the only person to use that word in thinking about the name.

Then there is a river that certainly has an interesting story behind the name.

My road trip ended on Sunday so I paused to worship at the sanctuary:

Joke of the Day

2007-08-03T22:35:00.000+02:00

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $25,000, minus 18%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

He's only 8 -- How far ahead of me will he be when he is a teenager?

2007-08-03T00:26:00.000+02:00

Discussion with youngest boy:

Isaac - "Can we watch 'Over the Hedge' together?

Me - "Sure, go get it."

Isaac - "The disc isn't in the case. Do you know where it is?"

Me - "I think so, let me go look with the DVDs in the car."

Isaac - "I will open this can of Dr. Pepper, drink it, and see if the DVD is inside the can."

Me -WTF

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-02T16:32:00.000+02:00

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, all to no avail.

The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the business was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having work long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab right back to the airport.

Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"How much for you to give me oral sex on the way?"

"What? Get the hell out of my cab!"

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks."

The businessman said, "OK," and away they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

Musing from a Road Trip 2

2007-08-02T16:11:00.000+02:00

Driving "down" into Kentucky into a large valley.

I stop for some shopping and to admire the local artwork.

Random thoughts on things I saw:

Am I the only one who thinks it strange that "Progress Park" features a closed and abandoned grocery store?

And have you ever had pizza by the "hunk"?

Musings from a Road Trip 1

2007-08-02T04:24:00.000+02:00

Last weekend I was kid-free and decided to take a trip to the Upper Cumberland Plateau in Tennessee. My basic goal was to attend the Cajun Music Day at Jamestown, TN -- And I did:

It was great. An afternoon of music and local wine:

And along the way I had the chance to experience the local ambiance.

Sergeant York -- the greatest hero of WWI came from Pall Mall, TN, and other than his time in Europe serving in the Army, he lived all of his life in this valley. If you don't know your history, Sergeant York (Played by Gary Cooper in the 40s movie) killed over 20 enemy soldiers and is credited with capturing over 130 in a battle at Argonne Forest in France in 1918. He received every high decoration given to soldiers in that war.

I went beyond Pall Mall all the way to the Kentucky border.

On the way I enjoyed a number of sites: First, just south of the Kentucky line was a bar where I stopped for a beer. Understand that I didn't say "Bar and Grill" -- it served only alcohol. So I thought it special that this bar had a drive-through:

Since I did so much driving I had to look for the cheap gasoline. The good new is that this place had the cheapest gasoline I had seen in decades.

But, unfortunately, the service sucked.

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-08-02T00:04:00.000+02:00

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees -- always will to work overtime and chip in where needed.

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off. So he sits in his office and watches them work.

Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with.

Mr. Smith follows her to the water coller, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache."

Dirty Joke of the Day

2007-07-31T18:56:00.000+02:00

From a book my son gave me for Father's Day:

A wife says to her husband, "Are you hungry for breakfast?"
He replies, "No it must be the Viagra."

A few hours later she says, "Do you want to eat lunch?"
He answers, "No, it must be the Viagra."

Later still, she asks him, "How about supper?"
He says, "No, it must be the Viagra."

She says, "Well, get the Fuck off me, I'm starving."

Baa Means "Yes"

2007-07-31T15:47:00.000+02:00

A man can't be convicted of sex with an animal because the sheep couldn't (or wouldn't?) testify that the sex was not consensual. After seeing the rights of goats violated by being forced into orgies, now I have to wonder if they testified to that effect or was it just assumed that they were not swinging goats. There does seem to be little question that dead deer do not consent. Now the court, at least the Dutch court, recognizes that some sheep might be luring men (I don't think I've heard of a case of a woman having sex with a sheep) into sexual relationships. The "it was asking for it" defense can now be applied to animals. What an interesting world we live in.

Now For Something Completely Different -- VeggieTales Garden

2007-07-25T19:29:00.000+02:00

Back in the spring I decided to plant a garden behind our apartment. I let the youngest children pick the seeds they wanted to plant. My daughter chose morning glories, carrots, and sunflowers. My son chose gourds, tomatoes, cucumbers, sweet peas, and carrots. I thought it an unusual combination until he explained that they were the VeggieTale characters: Larry, Bob, Lara the Carrot, Jim and Jerry the Gourds, and the "French Peas." He has always loved VeggieTales, a Bible based video cartoon series. The stars of the show are Larry the Cucumber and Bob the Tomato .

So how do you think he is doing?

A Real Adventure Park

2007-07-22T21:01:00.000+02:00

On an island off South Korea is atheme park for adults. It specializes as a place to honeymoon. But I see it as a perfect location for the next Gathering of the Goddesses or general gathering of friends.

Click on the pictures to see a larger version so you can read/see the details.

First there are direction (instruction?) signs:

Then, of course, a place for necessary utilities:

Check out the artwork:

There is even a tribute to the glory hole:

So when do we go?

Working for Peace

2007-07-21T20:38:00.000+02:00

Rodney Carrington has released one of the greatest music videos of all time. It combines patriotism, brutal honesty, and a call for everyone to do what they can to take people's minds off fighting. I would glad to be the avenue by which you can participate. Just send your pics in support to my email address: drdon10@hotmail.com.

Thanks for your dedication to our country (and also for helping out while my wife is overseas).

Thinking About Getting That New Tattoo?

2007-06-22T22:46:00.000+02:00

Funny video

"I'm smarts about some things" - but not everything

2007-06-21T07:03:00.000+02:00

My favorite line from the character I played in "The Foreigner" (a self-important Klan leader) is "I'm smarts about some things." Of course, he goes on to show he really isn't very smart but that has nothing to do with this post.

Today I got my EOB (Explanation of Benefits) from our health insurance for a doctor's visit. It had the name of a doctor I didn't recognize followed by MD and PA. My first thought was, why are we getting billed by a doctor who practices in Maryland and Pennsylvania. ... Luckily I realized that MD and PA stood for other things (such as, duh, Medical Doctor and Physician's Assistant) just before I dialed the insurance company to complain. He turned out to be the ENT that I took my daughter to only one time and forgot his name.

REALLY, I am smarts about some things.

Happy Birthday Army Goddess

2007-06-01T02:55:00.000+02:00

Today is my wife's birthday. The kids, our friend, and I flew out to San Antonio so we could spend the evening with her on her birthday. We knew we would only get a few hours between the time that she was dismissed and 21:00 bedcheck. But, as we have come to realize, if not completely accept, the army had other ideas.

But the most difficult and ironic aspect of the night is that she is not working; she is not getting ready for an inspection; she is not on a last minute FTX (Field Training Exercise). She is not able to spend the evening celebrating her birthday with her family because, with this company at least, the Army wants to celebrate her birthday. So on the last day of the month, every soldier who had a birthday that month, goes to a special dinner to recognize them. And, since her birthday is on the last day of the month, that meant she had to spend her birthday with the Army -- as she called it, "mandatory fun time" that kept her away from her children.

Again, it is an unfortunate turn of events. Any other day in the month, she would have enjoyed the dinner; if we had not come to celebrate her birthday with her, she would have enjoyed the dinner; if she were still in basic training or deployed where family has no access, she would have enjoyed the dinner. But, in this perfect storm of events, something the Army was trying to do to boost morale was having the opposite effect.

I have a feeling it will not be the last time I see the irony in a situation with the Army.

The Innocence of Youth

2007-05-20T23:25:00.000+02:00

Conversation among my 8 year old son and two 5 year old friends.

Five 1 -- "I know who I am going to marry. I'm going to marry my girlfriend, Savannah. Who are you going to marry?"

Five 2 -- "I don't know. I might marry you."

Five 1 -- "Boys can't marry boys."

My boy -- "If you do, you're gay."

Five 1 -- "I love girls. Who are you going to marry?"

My boy -- "I don't think I'm going to get married."

Five 1 -- "Yeah, I used to feel that way until I met Savannah."